Car, Job and Apartment Search.....

Hello my lovely readers;

I need to catch you all up regarding to the last two weeks. They have been a total whirlwind, and for the best I may add. On the first week of October Kenny went for an interview in a city near Stockholm and it seemed pretty positive, but we held on to our excitement until we knew 100% that he would be getting the job. A few days later, Kenny was budgeting and looking for cars online, just to have an overview of what cars cost. He set his eyes on an automatic Saab, hatchback, and decent price. It seemed like a potential car for the future. Ha little did I know! The day after, on a Saturday, we decided to go and look at the car and have a test drive. In the middle of us about to get into the car, his job calls him and tells him that he has received the job. I had no idea what to say, I jumped up and down and was so happy for him, but of course I had to deal with the matter of the car first. Long story short, we ended up buying the car and having the job all within the span of 30 mins. My adrenaline was sky rocket, we were walking on cloud 300 lol It was a total blessing. After 9 months of moving to Sweden, and him going from interview to interview, he was blessed with a good job as an Engineer! It's in Stockholm, which means that finding an apartment will be very difficult, but if people live there, we can too!

Kenny is now gone from Mon-Friday evening and spends the weekend with me in Nora. But it's only temporary. The apartment system here is tricky, and I wont explain it to you because it's that difficult to explain, IT'S A MESS!!! I have no desire to even think about the process, just have to do it.

The weather in Sweden is gorgeous! I love Autumn! I've been blessed to see the colors of the trees changing and feel the crisp air and enjoy the wonders. Unfortunately, it's getting darker earlier but never mind that. You have to enjoy one thing first!

Love you all,

Ileana

Update, Fall and Future Blogging Ideas

Alright alright, I know! It's been months since I've last written here and only God knows why. I was possibly lacking imagination, words, drive, whatever it was. There so many ideas and creative projects I would like to accomplish, but with the language barrier those projects have taken a backseat.

School: Ah! So happy to finally say that I am using the language more than before. I know that I want a bright future and the fact that I am going to school for free means that I better take full advantage of that. Waking up early for school reminds me of my early days of dragging myself out of bed and learn something while you're still half asleep. But I like it once I am already there. I have finally nailed the pronunciation of ö, ä, å and y. Those suckers were hard, especially since you have to put your lips in an O shape, haha that was a fun learning experience.

Marriage: Kenny and I celebrated our 1st Anniversary (again) and every time we do celebrate, we get reminded of how far we have come and how much we have grown. We do acknowledge our love daily and continue to work at any area that needs to be worked on but there's just something awesome about recognizing another year has gone by and the two of us are still together. A lot of marriages fail in a year and the thought of that is hard to imagine. When Kenny and I got married, we promised to not even mention the word Divorce because the more you bring it up, the more it seems like an escape right around the corner. Different situations can lead there but that's not a topic for today. Today is happy news. Kenny is having plenty of job interviews, so keep him in your prayers.

                                                              Our wedding day part 2

                                                         At our friends lake house

                                                             Mya & Niklas a bit far ;)

Friends: We met a lovely couple named Mya and Niklas. To begin with, we met when I was courageous enough to seek people from Sweden on Myfitnesspal. I saw a picture of Mya and she seemed like a great person, so I e-mailed her. I have never done that, but she responded and we talked back and forth getting to know one another. A few weeks later we met for dinner along with our men. Little did we know that we have so much in common. So much that we spent 4 hrs there.We are different still in so many ways but Mya and I have experienced almost the same thing coming to Sweden. She's Lebanese Australian and I am Puerto Rican American. We've met a few times and the more we know about one another, the more scary it seems ha ha. Niklas in some sense is almost like Kenny, being part Finnish and Swedish. I know they have more in common but I haven't been around their guys talks long enough. I prayed and prayed to God( maybe even cried) for a girlfriend here and voila, God delivered. It makes things so much easier.

My new love: I am falling in love with everything makeup! Good grief! I know. But there's something fun about makeup and colors and just empowering women. Let's see where that takes me.

Book: I am currently reading It's Your Time by Joel Osteen. Long overdue but I think the timing is fitting.


The Weather: Sweden is getting cold. Right now it's around 47 F at 3:30 p.m! But seeing the trees change color and feeling the crisp cold air warms my heart a bit. PUMPKIN EVERYTHING TIME!!!!1 Yayyyyyy.

I have a lot of ideas running in my brain but I will write them and set them aside. Probably publish them weekly?

I hope everyone is having a fantastic Tuesday.

Love,
Ile

Hey God, I deserve that......or do I?

"Give me back the toy, and I will let you play!". "Work hard and you will reap the benefits". "If you seek your inner self and work towards living for yourself, all your dreams will come true". Does any of these sound familiar to you? If you answer no, then I believe you are either hiding under a rock, or just in denial. Sorry if that seems blunt, but this subject is not for the tender hearted. With my sincere heart and humble attitude,  I believe that this world is becoming increasingly selfish. Now, not everyone is seeking inside themselves for answers, I am quite aware of that, and in no way will this blog show that I am a saint, I'm not. On the contrary,my brothers and sisters, I do commit sin but the difference is that I surrender them and ask for forgiveness. With that being said, I am going to share with you an experience that knocked me down to my feet, and took almost all the joy I had in my heart.
There are two situations that have not occurred yet, but I know once they do, they will make me feel as  God has lead me to these most joyous moments. They are: to become a mother, and to have my own place with my husband. When we moved to Sweden, I believed that everything was going to happen as rapid as flipping the switch.....I was wrong. For months and months I prayed to God for my deepest desires to come true....I meant, come on now, I left my own family to do Gods will. I felt like I deserved it...selfish by all means.
 After a few months, I noticed that my heart became hard, and the joy was leaving my heart. It was like a bratty child whose mom had taken away their candy and would no longer speak to her mother and held a grudge. I remember speaking to my husband about this situation and when I actually heard what I saying, it felt so undeserving to God. Everything started and ended with the word "I". "I want this", "I want that", "I deserve it"..etc. I looked within myself to feel like I deserved things, and point blank, I don't deserve anything. That realization brought me to my knees.
God, who is the Almighty God and full of love...smacked me lol not literally but with the Bible and His truth, he sent the one word that would change my attitude.....Surrender! For so long, I carried all of my worries and burdens without releasing them to the only who will carry them for me and see that my hearts desires actually come true. In Psalm 55:22 it says "Cast your burden on the Lord, and he will sustain you; he will never permit the righteous to be moved."-ESV How great is He? Let me tell you how great is he. He is so great, so beautiful, so amazing, that the biggest sin committed before Him, is forgiven. Romans 5:8 "But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: while WE were still sinners, Christ died for us". As I cried about the selfish desires in my heart, I felt a sudden rush of comfort and a rush of truth. I don't deserve the Love of God, but he sees something in me, that he himself created, that his son died a brutal death for me. I surrendered my desires and also repented for my selfish heart.  I asked God to guard my heart, for I know that my human flesh is deceitful.
Instead of focusing on the reward, I want to enjoy every moment I get to work for God, to bring glory to His name and not mine. I want people to know who God is and see that life, with it's joys and also trials, is beautiful. It is never about us, it is about the one who created us! Colossians 3:23-24 " Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men, knowing that from the Lord you will receive the inheritance as your reward. You are serving the Lord Christ."

As I end this blog, I pray for every heart who has felt lost, burdened, not content with their walk with Christ, and anything else that may harbor pain in your heart.  Remember, our lives are never ours. We belong to an Almighty God who will reward us. Not with treasures or material things on this Earth but eternity with Him.

With a lot of love,

Ileana

What does Fear have that God doesn't?

Fear has NOTHING! But if you let it grow, it can paralyze you, make you believe that you aren't good enough, it can make you take a different path than the one set before you by God. Fear is one ugly thing. But I believe that we all have a choice....do we let fear cripple our dreams or do we take faith and do what is right? Most of you don't know this, but I have developed a fear of flying. I know I know. I live thousands of miles away in the beautiful Sweden but have all of my family in South Florida. How will I go visit them? By boat?? Erm, that will take a long time. By car? Ha yeah right. So my best option is to...FLY! I have an upcoming flight in 6 months and just the thought of it is making me sweat, have the jitters and pray.

 This sudden FEAR of flying didn't start as a child. I flew when I was younger all the time but with upcoming movies with planes crashing and Denzel Washington flying upside down, this sister right here, is freaked out by flying. I have heard that car crashes are more common that airplane crashes, but does that help to hear it, eeeeh noooo. Haha. Nevertheless, as I think of all my family and friends and the grace of God, I depend on that flight to reach me to my loved ones & back. Getting on that plane doesn't mean I will not be fearful of them, I still will be, still I will hand over that fear to God. I will haunt that pilot until we land and gracefully thank him for landing me safely. *wink*

Beside my flight paranoia, have you ever been afraid of cutting your hair, asking someone to marry you, going out into the public and speaking, going to funeral, driving a car, moving 400 miles away, moving thousands of miles away, making love to your spouse, have you ever been so scared that you felt like there aren't answers or cures? Let me tell you, that the one and only person who was able to help me through my fears was Jesus Christ. My fears are not just about flying, but about not being the wife God created me to be, losing a loved one, moving to Sweden, and our life in Sweden, dying, etc. Before I became a Christian again, I feared being caught for my lies, being alone, feared that I was the reason for so many wrong things happening ,I feared a man's anger, I feared for my life. My fears kept me from sleeping, also I actually became really jittery that I didn't eat for a while. It stopped and paralyzed me from my dreams. I remember the day that I had asked my sister for the address to Calvary Fellowship. Fear didn't want me to go to church, fear wanted me to stay at home freaking out, however, I got the courage to go. And boy, did my experience change. I felt a huge weight of fear leave my body as I decided to accept God back into my life. This whole time, I knew that my fear wasn't mine to carry but His. He loves me so much that He gave His only son Jesus Christ and die for my sins! 

I also discovered that fear comes from the Enemy. He sits waiting for the next prey to fill lies and fear into. But as children of God, we have the power from the Holy Spirit to rebuke fear and lies from our path so that we can trust God with all we have. There are promotions that people have rejected because of fear, marriages that have gone sour because of fear of moving up to the next stage, fear of having a baby, lies made up to cover fear, whatever your fear is today, I am asking you, Is it really worth living in fear than giving it to God and having Him deal with your situations?

 If you are living a life of fear or confusion, I pray that you remember Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord. Plans to prosper you and not to harm you. Plans for hope and a future." I pray that you give Him a chance. Your life will never be the same ;)


God Bless,


Ile

Update :D

Hello hello everyone! I've been on a total hiatus for the past month I believe. Super busy. I started SFI (Swedish For Immigrants) and it's been non-stop. For the past three weeks, I've been in class studying and craving to learn Swedish. It can be a difficult language if you let yourself think it's difficult, but if you go in with excitement and acceptance that it isn't your native language, than it will be easier. There's a Polish girl, 3 from Syria, 1 from Congo, and Israelite  1 from a country called Erythea, a couple from South Africa, a British girl, and also myself. First week of class, I got the most questions from my classmates. Such as "Why would you move here?" Me:" Because my husband is Swedish and because we wanted to start something in Sweden." "Are you a Christian?" Me:"Well yes,yes I am" "You look Hispanic" Me:" That's because my family is Puerto Rican *shows them in a map*" Oooooohh. Haha It's awesome.

We all seem to get along fairly well and to me, it's pretty awesome how so many people can be the same yet so different. We all have our reasons for coming to Sweden and let me tell you, mine seems like a fairytale compared to theirs. Some of these people have seen lives taken away, pastors be prosecuted, not have options but to leave the rest of their families behind, so many things. Leaving my family wasn't easy but being an American, I am so grateful that I was able to sleep peacefully while leaving there. Anyway, we're all different but amazing all the same.

My teachers speak to me pretty fast.....it has it's benefits and crazy moments where I just stare at her, asking in my head "What did you just say?!" Haha But either way, they say I'm learning pretty fast for only being there for three weeks. I even went to the Library and rented Children's book to help! (Thanks Annica for the advice). Teachers aren't really supposed to translate to you in English unless they see that you are very stuck, which is pretty often for me haha! But Lord willing, I will catch up soon. I am having more Swedish conversations with Kenny's family, so that's a plus.

-Now that "summer" is here, we are planting loads of goodies. My herbs are growing and so is our veggie garden. So far our Spinach, Lettuce, Dill, and Radishes are blooming nicely! I can't wait to try them. I am so excited! During the day is can reach about 80-90 degree on a good bright day, but at night it still drops to the 60's. Depending if it is raining, it will drop down to either the 50's-40's. I still love this weather though. I cannot imagine what the weather must be like in Miami. Though, when you want to go to the beach, you definitely appreciate the warm Miami waters.

-June is going to be an exciting month. My dad is coming on Saturday and 1 week and a half later my aunt will be here for a short time, but I get to see her. Yay! If there is one thing I miss from Miami, is my family. I miss them so much. I also miss all my crazy brothers and sisters in Christ. Ha! I love them so! 

June is also Kenny's and I's 1st Anniversary <3 I love him so much! This whole move and life transition has brought out so much in us. God is definitely doing something big IN and THROUGH us! We are still sticking to the word of God and will always be. He's given us so much and the things that He hasn't, well, they've been a blessing also. There's always a time for waiting, and I think being in a place where you can get anything 24/7 or not wait for things to happen, can make you take it for granted. Here, you have to be patient and willing to wait for things. Nah....maybe also God is just making us wait no matter where we are lol. 

-No babies yet for us. Just thought I'd throw that out there. We aren't ready for one, and who knows maybe you don't have to be, but right now isn't the moment...in all categories. So we are enjoying our moment of growing and settling down in Sweden ;) They're a wonderful gift, but nooooo,not now. I'd rather satisfy my maternal side with my friends babies or a dog for the moment lol.

-Will I move back to Miami? Who knows. But right now, I don't foresee that. I've grown to really like being here. The winters may kill me, so we'll see about that. I just find it so,freeing here. I don't have to be scared as much as I was in Miami, I can actually do things on my own and not worry. Not to say it's a perfect country but it isn't as dangerous.

-Last time I wrote, I still hadn't made a friend here. Well, it's the same. But since I have spoken to a lot of Swedes about that post, I believe I also have to make the effort. I'm super friendly, but I believe ever since I came here and the language barrier came to mind, I became shy. So now that I am studying Swedish, I believe it will be easier to actually have a full conversation with someone. They do speak English perfectly, but I am sure it isn't the same, and hey, I'm in their territory now ;) Maybe I am just crazy social lol Nah, they're wonderfully people here.....not to mention beautiful. Like seriously.

-On April 21st, I ran my first 5k!!!!! Yay!! I was so proud of myself. I ran it in 41 mins with some secs but I didn't care, the fact that I actually finished blew me away. I was incredibly dehydrated the first part of it due to me not being aware of the first water station but once I got to the second one, I drank up and felt so much better. I didn't get a cramp until I finished but it was a minor one. This was an all girls race, so Kenny waited for me at the finish line. I was so happy to see him. And got goodie bags. Yay!

-I got some huge news that my BF and her husband are having a baby! Ah! So happy for them! We love them dearly and are clearly overjoyed for them. I cried when I was told. God bless them always.

Phew okay I think I got through most of all of the highlights of the past month. I hope everyone is well. 

Love,

Ileana

Rain and my tea

Sorry I haven't been around on my blog lately, so much going on physically,  mentally, spiritually and all that stuff. On the physical aspect, Spring is here and that means cleaning, chopping wood for next winter, organizing,  enjoying nature although I havent been feeling so great lately.

Spiritually and mentally, I'm feeling challenged. Some days I feel great and feel God's presence. Other days, the feelings of doubt and frustration take over. I am trying to really understand God and his plan, although I need to really be willing and not afraid. Easier said than done.

There's a sense of lacking being close to anyone. Now don't get me wrong,  I am closer to my husband now than before, but the friendships and relationships I had in Miami, feel so stretched out...literally. Some days I get upset but Id rather stuff it down. Im not sure if they realize than how important a relationship is still needed no matter where a person goes. Swedes are nice and beautiful people in their own way but their culture is very different from mine. I don't feel very personal here. I base relationships on where they can help one another with and where they are heading to. If they can truly know me through the good and bads and if they are living with a purpose and know wisdom from wrong deeds, then I know I can be the same back.

I need to pick myself up and look straightforward,  but some days, I know that I need to let all my emotions out so I can get back up again.

Besides all this going on, I have started my SFI (Swedish For Immigrants) and it's been exciting. I will meet new people and do my best. I've also discussed some plans with my husband about the future and things that I want to accomplish. ..more on that later. But so far, I want to do more natural things and share them along here.

Well, this is it for now. It's raining here and I have a nice cup of tea :)

Sleep well and blessings.

Just a spoonful of (brown) sugar makes the medicine go down.....

Well I don't know if  that is true Mary Poppins, but what I do know is that brown sugar is a great natural exfoliant!! Good grief, I spent tons of money looking for an awesome exfoliant, when I had the inexpensive option at home all along. For the past 3 weeks or so, I have been exfoliating with brown sugar, honey and lemon juice mixed together. The results were, a fresh,soft,silky face. Now hear me out, I do have work to do on my face. I came from a very humid Miami Florida, to a wintry Sweden and it took a toll on my face 
(and not to mention the added stress of moving and my grandma in the hospital).

Today, I decided to take step-by-step snapshots of doing a Brown Sugar (babe), Honey & Lemon Juice Facial....without the babe of course haha.

                                           

Step 1: Please, before any facial, cleanse your skin. I don't have an organic cleanser just yet, so I use Cetaphil and it has been working with me for the last 6 months. This bottle lasts!

Step 2: Get your ingredients out and measured. I don't have an organic option since we are in a tight budget at the moment, but I do recommend it. Lemon juice, Brown Sugar in the middle, and Honey. A small plastic/glass bowl, and a teaspoon.

Step 3: Mix in 1 teaspoon (or 2 if you want to use more in other places such as underarms,knees,elbows), 1/2 teaspoon of lemon juice and 1 teaspoon of honey. Mix until it has a runny consistency but the brown sugar feels grainy, not too thin.

Step 4: Apply to freshly cleansed face and scrub. Now don't go scrubbing and taking out your frustrations at the same time. Put a little pressure on your fingertips and  move them in circular motions, even in your chin and neck. Leave scrub on your face for 5-15, depending how much time you have. PLEASE!!! Avoid your eyes. It will be red due to the exfoliation but it's normal, it will subside.

Step 5: Rinse with warm water, and finish by splashing some cold water to close the pores. Use a CLEAN hand/face towel and pat dry, don't rub the towel too hard on your face, you will strip the moisture from it.

And Voila! You've got a soft, clean face! I would recommend doing this only at night since your face has just been exfoliated and shouldn't be caught in the sun. Do this 2-3 time a week.

Now the benefits of the ingredients: Brown Sugars texture is almost like sand, removes old skin cells without causing skin irritation. Its moisture won't dry out your skin and is a source of Vitamin B due to its content of molasses. Honey has antibacterial properties and is considered antiseptic ( I use it for small pimples, dab a very small amount on it and leave it overnight). It also helps with making your beautiful face lighter!  And Lemon also serves as a dead cell remover,blackhead remover and a skin brightener. What else can you ask for??

Sources: http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g

blogID=1454921159426192212#editor/target=post;postID=6947038020570842186

http://www.livestrong.com/article/260345-what-are-the-benefits-of-lemon-juice-for-the-face/

http://www.livestrong.com/article/156037-what-are-the-benefits-of-brown-sugar-as-a-skin-exfoliator/

Now as you may have noticed above, my hair had some serious TLC deprivation! My poor hair. This weather is a stranger to these tresses, so I will fight back and add moisture, MOISTURE, MOISTURE! People, your hair can never thank you enough for adding moisture to it.

Most of you know that Im trying to grow my hair back to its natural state. Kinky curls and all. But with that comes work and a lot of love to it. The below pictures are how I add moisture to my hair and with what products. My goal is to find natural products but one step at a time. And $1 at a time ;)

Step 1: Get your conditioners and oils out. Use a wide tooth comb to detangle. If you use the thin black one with the pointer, your hair is going to scream its life out and not love you. Unless you have silky straight hair, great, but I don't and I need to pamper it.

Step 2: Mix in any oil. I used Extra Vigin Olive Oil, maybe a tablespoon. You can add Argan, Coconut, Peppermint, Moroccan, Avocado oil. Any oil that is good for the hair. Do some exploring :)

Step 3: Mix all ingredients together until well mixed and oil is incorporated. I forgot to take a picture of this process :(

Step 4: Section hair into 4 or if you have longer hair, maybe 6, and start placing the mixture (ends first), until all  the sections are covered and set for overnight. Place a plastic shower cap on. The heat will keep itself inside.

Step 5: Wear a silk head scarf or bonnet. Silk keeps the moisture in and doesn't rip your hair like cotton does. Adding this scarf or bonnet not only ensures that your mixture won't leak but it adds a bit of extra heat.

The next day just rinse and style. This is my deep conditioner so I will rinse, shampoo, condition it again and do the final rinse.

Next DIY is how to take off.............CALLUSES!!! How embarassing but it has to be said and done. Summer is coming around and Im sure we all want pretty feet!

I hope this has been helpful to any of you and would like to hear from you. I have changed my comment box situation and now anyone can comment AS LONG AS IT IS POSITIVE, if not, please don't even think about it. I love to help people if any way I can, so don't try bringing someones spirits down.

With  love,

Ileana

Just a bit of everything.....

Heyyyy everyone!!!! :) I would like to start off by saying I am so grateful to those of you who are actually reading these posts. I honestly didn't think anyone would read this and would reach out to me in such a postitive way. To my friends and family reading and responding to this, thank you sooo much, words cannot describe how I feel. I love you and miss you much.

These past few days have with ups and downs but mostly trying to adjust to a lot of change and the situations going around the world. Have you ever felt that at times it's better to desensitize yourself from the news and grief than to be there and watch what's happening? I don't know about you, but I prefer not to know. I can take a few dosages but when the news is on 24/7, I can't take it anymore. There's just too much going on and then the fighting starts. It's an endless cycle. I won't get into it anymore but that's who I am.

Another semi-change is Spring! I cannot wait to feel the warm air coming! SWEDEN IS COOOOLD!! Here let me show you: 

Back in January!!! Cold!!!

It was great to be in snow but I'm from Miami and we aren't used to this stuff! My family is amazed I survived haha!! But now the snow is all gone and the temperature is in it's 50's....we're getting there.....slowly. But Sweden is beautiful! I cannot wait to have family over. Oh, talking about that, my father will be visiting for 2 weeks and I will get to see my aunt and uncle for 2 days! So happy. I'm smiling from ear to ear. 

Yup, just like this.

Now for food/ health stuff. I'm trying to take care of my body. It's not easy.....nooooooo. I live with meat eaters ( I don't judge, you do your thang) and always have back home in Miami. I'm just not into it as much. Yeah, a skirt steak, or how us Latinos call them, churrrrrrrassco, can look drool worthy but my stomach just can't take it. I tried again and nope, it doesn't sit well. So little by little I've been eliminating meat from my platter and replacing meat sourced protein with plant protein. 

WHAAAAAAAAAT?!?! YOU CAN ACTUALLY DO THAT?!?!?! Yes, yes you can! No I don't feel like I am lacking anything, I actually feel a lot better. Now, if I'm craving a piece of chicken or fish so bad, then yeah I will have a piece of whatever it is. And if I am going over someones house and they offer a cooked meal with meat, I won't be like "Oh, I can't eat your food because you put meat in it and since you don't have the same belief as me regarding to me, I will not eat your food". I wasn't raised to disrespect someones hospitality. If I did, ha! I'd get the eye.....you know, the "wait until we get home" look hahahaha. 

Now you may be asking what do I use to replace my protein. I still eat eggs, nuts, quinoa, beans, chia seeds, hemp protein powder, rice, and much more. You have to learn to balance and do research, if not, you will find this difficult. 

Super simple and great tasting.

Enough about food for now. I will be showing more when I take more photos. Definitely slacking. Lately, I've been missing everyone soooo much. It's so crazy how life can throw you to different places and circumastances to strengthen you. Sometimes, becoming strong can lead to break downs, fear, doubt, and just wanting to go darn right back to where you lived. Life moves on for everyone, with or without you (cue to song by U2).

I believe that if I were single, I go crawling right back but I'm not. I have responsibilites and I am not a CHICKEN!!! Ha ha. But in all honesty, moving away from everything/everyone you know, is one of the biggest challenges I have yet to come to terms with. I need to walk around focused like a HORSE! 

This picture cracked me up!!!!

I need to stay focused and hopeful that this transition will change the way I am from the inside out. I remember when Kenny and I had a deep conversation with one of our friends....psst Joel. I won't get to specific about our conversation due to privacy, but just being open about our fears to him helped us so much. Friends needs encouragement no matter what course people take. As long as it's a positive change for each person involved, then help them along the way.

My husband, myself and Joel!! Missing Renata <3

Anyway, as you can see, I had a lot of things in my mind and purged it all into this wonderful blog. It's like this: 

Ok enough, love you all.

Blessings,

Ileana 

Let's talk a bit about what is beauty.

I have a secret to confess.....I was ADDICTED to reading People Magazine! Ugh, I know. I don't know why. I got sucked into the life of wondering who wore what, who was dating who, who stole something and who was getting divorced next. It was a toxic addiction and I've slowly given it up. It's a waste of time and I believe made me judgmental. Now, this is MY opinion, please don't call me foolish hahaha. There was a growth group that I did with people from my church that actually mentioned People Magazine and how infectious it is! I couldn't believe my ears! I hadn't realized that slowly, I was becoming a critic of others based on what they had, looked like and did. I lost myself, and my identity. That was until I read my identity in Christ.

I believe that a lot of women don't know how beautiful they are. I have to constantly remind myself that God made me beautiful. The life on the web, t.v and any other media, is not mine and my life is one that I need to treasure and value with everything I have. A decision I made once I read who I was, was to let my hair grow naturally. I have Puerto Rican kinky hair that "needed" to be relaxed, flat ironed, and everything else damaging to it. I never knew the actual texture of my hair. Never Ever! Crazyyyyy! Im 28 years old, and have never seen my root grow more than half and inch before I whipped out the relaxer. Until now.

Beauty is a word to battle with. We battle with what the society tells us is beautiful. Get lipo, get implants, get that guy, wear that clothes, wear your hair long and straight, be less or around 100 lbs, the list goes on and on. Why do we battle with this? Why do we have to change to please others or change because they tell us to? This is an honest blog, so why not push it by assuming that unfortunately, those who call us weak or ugly,  stupid, fat, loser, etc. have not found their own identity? Do you think that calling someone fat is going to help them get healthy, do you think they feel encouraged? Well, unless they're masochist, then to me, it doesn't help.http://skinnyminnyjourney.tumblr.com/

I struggled so much with my identity, that it is still a work in progress. I heard the typical "You're fat" "Fix your hair, you're lazy, you don't know how to do this or that". It took a toll on how I looked at myself. I didn't believe my husband when he said I was beautiful. Not until I believed in my identity with Christ. My walls came down. I do believe that women need to have a natural balance. Appreciate who you are. Don't let the trials of life beat you down. You want to look good for yourself, and if you want to rock a different style than others, GO FOR IT. We shouldn't judge anyone. Let us help one another. Lift up one another, sharpen one another.

I have to give a shout to the women who have impacted me in every way:  

 

me, my sister, mom and aunt

Maureen, myself and Evelyn

 Betsy and I

My girlfriends and I.....There's a lot more but I  couldn't find pictures with them.

 I am a beautiful, loving woman. My new perspective helped me to appreciate running, appreciate my natural curls, love my Puerto Rican curves, helped me to love others, my husband, and life so much more. The picture below is not me, but I love her hair! 

What is one thing you struggle with the most? It can be beauty or anything else besides. I want to hear from you.

God Bless,

Ileana

E.H.S, Job, and then there is me.

Before I begin to dive deep into the title of this blog, I would like to give you a little glimpse to the reasons why my husband and I left sunny Miami, Florida to the cold but yet welcoming Nora, Sweden! First off, my husband was born and raised here, so it made sense. Secondly, we wanted to spend more time with his family, as I had only been with them twice (once when they visited, and two years after for our wedding). Third, and most importantly, we had a strong discernment that something BIG will happen to us here.

Was it fun leaving my family, our friends and our church behind? Heck no, what would make you think it was? Ha ha. It was the toughest decision I had to ever do. Denying my sense of worry, fear and doubt to everyone around me, except to my husband, was similar to wearing a mask. When the mask was off, I would worry and ask God "Where are you taking me, why so far, why this, why that?" But when the mask was perfectly placed back on "Oh, I have no fear, it's going to be a great experience". In the end, I ripped off that mask (eeeeeek lol). No seriously, I gave all my fears and worries to God and surrendered to his trust and knew that His will is what I live for. That made the move so much easier.......temporarily.

When I got to Sweden, I immediately sent a message to a few girlfriends of mine back home and asked them what books can they recommend to me. Sabrina( hey giiiiiiiirl) sent me a title of a book that will forever change who I was and how I emotionally I let situations take the wheel of my life. Here comes part 1 to the title of this post: Emotionally, Healthy and Spirituality. To say that I have never read such a challenging book, is an understatement. It's a crazy roller-coaster. Here let me lay down the outline of this book: "What Are You Missing?

Peter Scazzero learned the hard way: you can’t be spiritually mature while remaining emotionally immature. Even though he was pastor of a growing church, he did what most people do:

•       Avoid conflict in the name of Christianity
•       Ignore his anger, sadness, and fear 
•       Use God to run from God
•       Live without boundaries

Eventually God awakened him to a biblical integration of emotional health, a relationship with Jesus, and the classic practices of contemplative spirituality. It created nothing short of a spiritual revolution, utterly transforming him and his church.

In this book Scazzero outlines his journey and the signs of emotionally unhealthy spirituality. Then he provides seven biblical, reality-tested ways to break through to the revolutionary life Christ meant for you. “The combination of emotional health and contemplative spirituality,” he says, “unleashes the Holy Spirit inside us so that we might experientially know the power of an authentic life in Christ.”

Sorry I do know it was long, but it was necessary to have the accurate explanation of the book. My experience with it so far has brought me tears, joy, hope, battles with emotions that stemmed and twisted the false acknowledgements about myself even tighter, but a sense of relief and salvation in Christ. He has shown who I am and I am much more than false emotions, I am much more than what human voices have told me. This book has shown me, to truly be alone with God and have a true relationship with him.

Now for the part of Job. E.H.S has some explaining to do (in my best Ricky voice). My life from 2012 til now has reminded me of Job from the bible. Not so drastically though! I do have my friends and family and a roof over my head, but every time I feel a raw emotion, God shows me Job. In a chapter of E.H.S it teaches us that Job, being a great follower of Christ had all the riches he can ever think of, camels, sheep's, children, a spouse....He was, as the book describes it "The Bill Gates in that time". He loved God so much. But with a sudden twist, he lost his house, his children died, his camels and sheep went PEACE OUT, his wife cursed him and his God, and not to mention, he ended up being a poor man with sores in his body.

Here comes the third part to this title: me. But I think I will put Job and I together. Why? I've had a lot to think about that and want to explain why so clearly. Although Job lost everything, E.H.S phrases passages that he never shut his emotions from God. He yelled and wondered why God would put him in that situation. The poor man was so confused, my heart broke for him. I, on the other hand, wouldn't talk to Him until I was so angry and fed up that I would ask him so many questions. 2012 was a time where life got crazy for me (emotionally). I got fired in January  felt rejected by a few people, got married, decided to move, almost lost my grandmother, and throughout this I was in the process of trying to detach and prepare myself for leaving those I love behind by wearing my mask.

Job wasn't left abandoned by God. He was rewarded with twice of what he possessed!! He has taught me to be faithful to God but to never shun my emotions from Him. To get rid of that self-deceiving mask and accept who I am through Him. His own son cried out to Him, why shouldn't I? Every situation has a cause, although I may not know what ours is, I do know that God is in control. Realize with an open heart, that our God is one that saves and loves us more than we love ourselves. I still have a lot of work to do, but with the help of God, I will be able to accomplish all he has set out for me to do with the right attitude. Ha ha, that kind of rhymed. 

So my friends, that is all for tonight. I hope that this has made sense and will help someone out there! 

With love,

 Ileana

Why start blogging??

    I had a nudging feeling to express my life and the events that are occurring now in it. You're probably thinking "Like what Ileana, why now? Aren't you afraid of what people will think or of your family's reaction?" If I can be honest with you, I will be writing about my life in Sweden, my health(running, working out, lacto-vegetarian), God, my marriage (obviously with my husbands approval and to a certain level.....hello PRIVACY), my lessons about being so far away from home, my hair (yes, that is correct. I am transitioning back to natural so bare with me), and whatever may come.

    No, I am not afraid of what people have to say, especially my family. Wait a second before you think I'm waving my finger going "Uh uh, I am not afraid of no one blah blah blah", it's not like that. I believe my family will actually be very excited to read my thoughts. I am normally the introvert between them, so I don't share as much, until now 0_0 ha ha! I believe blogging will help my family and friends understand, or at least, be connected to my life and the way it's blossoming and see what my husband and I are up to in Sweden.

    The only thing that I do expect out of ALL my readers, is it to respect what I write. I won't be writing offensive blogs, so please do not be offensive to me, or to my thoughts. Peoples tendency to rip someones blog or nag them because they don't agree with them, are seen everywhere. I am going to be making mistakes, I am not your guru :)
   
  I want those who come here to feel a relaxing, fun, real and raw emotions....in other words, I don't want someone else feeling as if they are alone. So for today this is what I have to offer, please stay tuned, you never know what life might throw at me next.  ;)