Sunday, April 14, 2013

E.H.S, Job, and then there is me.

Before I begin to dive deep into the title of this blog, I would like to give you a little glimpse to the reasons why my husband and I left sunny Miami, Florida to the cold but yet welcoming Nora, Sweden! First off, my husband was born and raised here, so it made sense. Secondly, we wanted to spend more time with his family, as I had only been with them twice (once when they visited, and two years after for our wedding). Third, and most importantly, we had a strong discernment that something BIG will happen to us here.

Was it fun leaving my family, our friends and our church behind? Heck no, what would make you think it was? Ha ha. It was the toughest decision I had to ever do. Denying my sense of worry, fear and doubt to everyone around me, except to my husband, was similar to wearing a mask. When the mask was off, I would worry and ask God "Where are you taking me, why so far, why this, why that?" But when the mask was perfectly placed back on "Oh, I have no fear, it's going to be a great experience". In the end, I ripped off that mask (eeeeeek lol). No seriously, I gave all my fears and worries to God and surrendered to his trust and knew that His will is what I live for. That made the move so much easier.......temporarily.


When I got to Sweden, I immediately sent a message to a few girlfriends of mine back home and asked them what books can they recommend to me. Sabrina( hey giiiiiiiirl) sent me a title of a book that will forever change who I was and how I emotionally I let situations take the wheel of my life. Here comes part 1 to the title of this post: Emotionally, Healthy and Spirituality. To say that I have never read such a challenging book, is an understatement. It's a crazy roller-coaster. Here let me lay down the outline of this book: "What Are You Missing?



Peter Scazzero learned the hard way: you can’t be spiritually mature while remaining emotionally immature. Even though he was pastor of a growing church, he did what most people do:

  •       Avoid conflict in the name of Christianity
  •       Ignore his anger, sadness, and fear 
  •       Use God to run from God
  •       Live without boundaries


Eventually God awakened him to a biblical integration of emotional health, a relationship with Jesus, and the classic practices of contemplative spirituality. It created nothing short of a spiritual revolution, utterly transforming him and his church.


In this book Scazzero outlines his journey and the signs of emotionally unhealthy spirituality. Then he provides seven biblical, reality-tested ways to break through to the revolutionary life Christ meant for you. “The combination of emotional health and contemplative spirituality,” he says, “unleashes the Holy Spirit inside us so that we might experientially know the power of an authentic life in Christ.”

Sorry I do know it was long, but it was necessary to have the accurate explanation of the book. My experience with it so far has brought me tears, joy, hope, battles with emotions that stemmed and twisted the false acknowledgements about myself even tighter, but a sense of relief and salvation in Christ. He has shown who I am and I am much more than false emotions, I am much more than what human voices have told me. This book has shown me, to truly be alone with God and have a true relationship with him.

Now for the part of Job. E.H.S has some explaining to do (in my best Ricky voice). My life from 2012 til now has reminded me of Job from the bible. Not so drastically though! I do have my friends and family and a roof over my head, but every time I feel a raw emotion, God shows me Job. In a chapter of E.H.S it teaches us that Job, being a great follower of Christ had all the riches he can ever think of, camels, sheep's, children, a spouse....He was, as the book describes it "The Bill Gates in that time". He loved God so much. But with a sudden twist, he lost his house, his children died, his camels and sheep went PEACE OUT, his wife cursed him and his God, and not to mention, he ended up being a poor man with sores in his body.

Here comes the third part to this title: me. But I think I will put Job and I together. Why? I've had a lot to think about that and want to explain why so clearly. Although Job lost everything, E.H.S phrases passages that he never shut his emotions from God. He yelled and wondered why God would put him in that situation. The poor man was so confused, my heart broke for him. I, on the other hand, wouldn't talk to Him until I was so angry and fed up that I would ask him so many questions. 2012 was a time where life got crazy for me (emotionally). I got fired in January  felt rejected by a few people, got married, decided to move, almost lost my grandmother, and throughout this I was in the process of trying to detach and prepare myself for leaving those I love behind by wearing my mask.

Job wasn't left abandoned by God. He was rewarded with twice of what he possessed!! He has taught me to be faithful to God but to never shun my emotions from Him. To get rid of that self-deceiving mask and accept who I am through Him. His own son cried out to Him, why shouldn't I? Every situation has a cause, although I may not know what ours is, I do know that God is in control. Realize with an open heart, that our God is one that saves and loves us more than we love ourselves. I still have a lot of work to do, but with the help of God, I will be able to accomplish all he has set out for me to do with the right attitude. Ha ha, that kind of rhymed. 

So my friends, that is all for tonight. I hope that this has made sense and will help someone out there! 

With love,

 Ileana

2 comments:

  1. Hi Ile!

    I love your openness about something that is still raw and sensitive. I understand putting on the mask and trying to live as though everything is okay; God knows I'm guilty of that. Being transparent is something difficult for me; not because I want to appear something that I'm not, but because I have trouble trusting people. Thankfully we have a God we can trust unconditionally!

    I do feel the need to speak in defense of Job's wife. I think she gets a bad rap because of her attitude towards Job's suffering. The truth is, she never cursed Job nor cursed God. Job 2:9 says that she said to him, "Do you still hold fast to your integrity? Curse God and die!" She didn't curse God; she wanted Job to do it. Why? Remember that everything Job was experiencing, his wife was going through as well. When Job lost his wealth, she became poor. The 10 children Job lost? They were her children, too. And now she watched as her beloved husband sat among ashes and scraped at horrific boils on his skin. Put yourself in her place - the pain must have been unbearable. She preferred widowhood - the lowest of all social conditions - than to watch her husband die a slow and painful death. The phrase that is used for "Curse God and die" is barech Elohim vamuth, which can also be translated, "Bless God and die." This wasn't about cursing God. All Job's wife wanted was for his suffering to end. Job calls her foolish because her faith was not like his; she could only see her present pains, while Job was willing to wait on the Lord. Eventually both Job and his wife are blessed with double their possessions and 10 more children. In some ways I can identify more with Job's wife than with Job, perhaps because she's a woman, or perhaps because I don't think my faith is as strong as Job's. In their situation, would I react more like Job or like his wife? I hope I never find myself in that place.

    This was a great post Ile! I look forward to more online conversations where we can encourage one another in our faith.

    Love ya!

    Arlene

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    1. That is such a great way of seeing his wife Arlene! I never thought of it and I pray as well to never be placed in that position. Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts on my page, it definitely helps know what others are thinking.

      I also suffer from being transparent to others, but I felt that a lot of people sense as if they are alone and that has helped me begin this journey. Thank you again Arlene. I miss you my friend.

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